My son started playing the flute in the fourth grade through our town’s public school. For a while he was making good progress and seemed to be enjoying himself.
This school year has been a real struggle, and it’s only November.
For starters, my wife had been the one in charge of flute practice, since she was a flutist when she was in school… only she didn’t last long enough to get to the level of reading music he’s at now, so she couldn’t help him through practice at the level he needed. On top of that, we weren’t enforcing at-home practices this school year since he wasn’t being made to track it like he was in previous years. And on top of that, we only recently learned that he just wasn’t playing in band class for a stretch of two weeks.
So, in an effort to get him caught up to where he needs to be, we’re back to mandatory at-home practicing, and I’ve taken over helping him with his music.
It’s been a challenge… and by that I mean I’ve been getting screamed at every day.
My son is a perfectionist to a fault. He’s had to leave his classrooms when he’s gotten a test result of a 95 or 96 because he’s crying his eyes out. He needs to get things perfect on the first try or he gets very upset. Obviously this is something we’re working on with him and his therapist, and when it comes to playing music we’re learning that it’s amplified even more.
When he makes a mistake playing music, which I tell him is perfectly normal for musicians of any and all skill levels, he gets discouraged and frustrated at vastly escalating levels. So when I ask him to try that section he’s having trouble with again, he accuses me of “torturing him” and “being mean to him” and I get screamed at.
It takes a long time to talk him down from these outbursts. Last night alone it took us forty-five minutes to get through four measures that were giving him trouble. Not because he was repeating those measures over and over, but because with every mistake I had to take five to twenty minutes to talk him down. And I was screamed at the entire time.
It’s exhausting to be yelled at when you’re trying to help your son work through something difficult. It’s even more exhausting when all the encouragement and reassurances you can offer fall on deaf ears. I’m exhausted, folks.
His music teacher claims he told her he wanted to stay in band, but if things don’t turn around at home I don’t think he’ll be rejoining next school year. I don’t have the fortitude to be shrieked at for forty five minutes every day while I do my best to help my son learn the important life skill of working through something that’s hard instead of giving up on it.