About two weeks ago I had my two lower canine teeth removed. While I wait for my gums to heal around the implants so crowns can be put in their place, I have two gaps in my lower teeth. I should have what’s called “partial dental flippers” to conceal them for cosmetic reasons, but there’s been a delay with that.
At first I was a little aggravated that I was told I needed the temporary flippers. I’m not supposed to wear them all the time, nor when I eat. They’re only meant as a cosmetic cover-up until I can get my permanent crowns in a few months, and they’re not cheap. I was told “they’re mostly for when you go out.”
Since I work from home, I thought this was a waste of time and money. My wife and son don’t look at me any differently, and the gaps in my teeth aren’t visible most of the time, since they’re on my lower jaw. I was convinced I could have saved the time getting these things made and the money to make them by simply refusing it. I didn’t really care how I looked, because the people who love me haven’t changed their perception of me.
And then I went out dancing over the weekend.
It had been a long and lonely week, with my wife busy at work and several difficulties with my son. I wanted to go out, let loose, and be around people again. I got dressed up, met some friends, and set out for the club. And as soon as I got there, I was sucker-punched by levels of self-consciousness I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager.
I felt like everyone I met could see the gaps in my teeth. Whenever I spoke I was very careful about how my mouth moved. I forced my smile, which is usually toothy and big, to be much more restrained. Whenever I laughed I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, just in case. I was convinced that it was a glaring, ugly blemish that needed to be hidden at all costs.
Now I’ve met lots of people over the years who’ve had gaps in their teeth for various reasons, and I’ve never thought that about them! But I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for decades, so I’m convinced that that understanding applies to everyone except me. Those feelings latched on to the gaps in my teeth like parasites and I couldn’t shake them all night.
Now I know why I was told I needed to get those temporary flippers fitted.