Tomorrow is Field Day at my son’s elementary school. It’s the last one he’ll participate in before he graduates to middle school. Every year post-pandemic, my wife and I have volunteered to help out and we’re so happy to be able to participate this last year.
I am happier still that I won’t be doing the fucking tug of war again, because the last two years I was picked to help out at the tug of war station.
The first year I volunteered I was put there for the second half of the day, alongside another parent. It’s a rough station to be at, because you have to come up with tug of war arrangements on-the-fly to fill up the kids’ fifteen minutes with you, and a typical tug of war match only lasts about 30-45 seconds. And then the kids yell at you if their side loses because the rope was too rough or the winning side had an unfair strength advantage, and so on. It’s an exhausting station to be in charge of.
The second time I volunteered, which was last year, I was put in charge of the tug of war, all by myself, all day long. I hated every moment of it for all the reasons described above, only this time I didn’t have any help. By the end of the day I was grumpy, fatigued, and overheated… and my position as “the tug of war guy” was cemented in the minds of all the other parents and teachers.
Everyone thought I was so good at because 1) I put on a happy face for the kids, thanks in part to my years of being “on” at convention tables for hours on end, and 2) because I was the loudest parent there, thanks in part to my background as a theater kid. I wasn’t yelling, I was projecting, and that’s a skill only the theater can teach you.
I made a plea to the PTO at the end of last year to let me do anything else when I volunteered again this year. I could not handle doing that again.
Imagine my delight when the signup forms for this year’s Field Day included the option to sign up for specific events! It wasn’t being left to chance any more! So I filled it out as soon as possible and will finally be doing the one thing I’ve always wanted to do at Field Day:
Face painting. And I’m doing it all day.
Numerous other parents and several teachers have asked me “if I’m excited to be the tug of war guy again” and I have felt great relief in telling them “fuck no, I’m doing face painting for my last year.” I paid my dues the last two years. This year I’m taking it easy and painting designs on kids’ faces. This year I’m making art, and I feel like I’ve earned it.