With my annual holiday sale comes one of the rare times that I take commissions for custom art. I offer this rarely not because I see it as some special occasion, or that I consider my artwork to be so good that the chance to get something customized from me can only be a rare event, but because taking commissions scares the hell out of me, and always has.
Back when I first started this webcomic life I regularly took commissions at conventions. It’s just What You Were Supposed To Do back then. While I never had a bad experience taking commissions at shows, nor did I ever get any rude comments about my art (to my face), I discovered something about myself: I hate drawing in public, especially surrounded by other artists, all of whom I considered my superior in skill.
My impostor syndrome kicks in to overdrive when it comes to drawing, and I learned that I’m afraid of people seeing all the mistakes I make in my process. I became less and less comfortable, and soon ceased taking commissions at conventions altogether.
But folks still wanted commissions from me, much to my amazement, so I offer them only during holiday events and crowdfunding campaigns because that’s the only time I can handle the stress I feel to live up to the expectations I feel I need to deliver.
Like I said, my impostor syndrome is strongest when it comes to my artwork, so I’m constantly afraid that I’m going to be exposed as a fraud when I’m asked to tackle a picture far out of my comfort zone. Like it’s going to be an Emperor’s New Clothes moment of “hey, this dude’s sucked all along!” or “I can’t believe I actually spent money on this crap!” Both of those things would shatter my heart into pieces, and I am constantly afraid of that outcome every time I accept a commission.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t learned to deal with it.
I’m almost glad to have this anxiety and fear surrounding commissions because it means I become extra focused on delivering the best work I can. I’ve learned to harness the stress and convert it into inspiration, because I know I want someone spending their hard-earned money on me to get what they paid for, and to feel like I worked as hard as I could to bring their vision to life. I’d much rather be anxious than complacent when it comes to my work, because the day I start taking all this for granted is the beginning of the end for me.
So by all means, if you want a commission from me while this window of opportunity is open, you’re going to find me at my very best, doing my best to give you the best I can deliver; because otherwise I’m going to beat myself up and/or be consumed by my impostor syndrome.