Some but not all friend groups have a hierarchy. There’s the leader of the pack and, farthest down the ladder, is the one everyone makes fun of. I’m familiar with that position because, for much of my youth across several friend circles, I was on the lowest rung of that social ladder. And man, did it suck.
From as far back as the kids my brother and I spent time with in our neighborhood, to the “friend” who pushed me around (sometimes physically) in my middle high school years, to even a post-college social circle who passive aggressively treated me like “the dumb one,” being the lowest in a friendship hierarchy can devastate your self-confidence.
Abusive relationships get a lot of attention, but abusive friendships should also be recognized because they can do a lot of damage, albeit differently. Friends occupy a different space than an intimate partner, but their opinions of you are no less important. So if they’re telling you that you’re the dumb one, or the one who deserves to be pushed around, or that you deserve mistreatment because “you’re bringing it onto yourself,” their valued opinions can shape how you see yourself. And you do not deserve that.
I speak from experience not only because I occupied that lowest space across several friend circles, but because I came to learn that not all social circles have to be this way, and I’m lucky I did.
The people I now count as my closest friends have no hierarchy in our circles. We treat one another with the equal love and respect that a friendship should provide. We also give each other an equal amount of shit when we do something silly or screw up in a spectacular fashion, but it’s always good-natured and there are always immediate apologies if a line gets crossed. There is no one on the lowest rung because a proper friendship should only uplift everyone involved, not provide a communal whipping boy to those “higher up” in the ranks.
Tell your treasured friends you love them. Make it weird. Let them know how valuable they are to you for how valued they make you feel.
And if you discover you’re the lowest in a hierarchy? Get the fuck out of there. You do not deserve that and there are people out there, whether nearby or online, who are ready to give you the love you deserve.