Anticipation and Anxiety

I mentioned on social media yesterday that I have an actual ache in my chest as the launch day for the Kickstarter to reprint Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire THE COMPLETE SERIES Volume 2 draws ever closer. It is an idle quickening of my heart and a tingle in my sternum that is all too familiar. The ache of anticipation and anxiety.

I mentioned in Tuesday’s blog entry that this campaign would have the single largest funding goal I’ve ever aimed for, between 2020’s reprinting of Volume 1 and everything I ever did while writing Star Power. The cause of this is the doubling of the price of paper in the time since my last print job with the company I use, the same company that’s printed every single Dominic Deegan book over the years. (I’m all about loyalty, and they treat me very well.) The anticipation of having to hit that goal is making me very nervous.

But 2020’s campaign hit that number, and even went over it over the course of that month! So why should I be so nervous if I know that this is an achievable number? Why do I have this ache in my heart when this lofty number has been achieved once already? It’s because of nagging doubts, the same that have plagued me since… well, forever. Did I wait too long to campaign to reprint Volume 2? Oracle for Hire will have ended ten years ago in May! Do enough people still care about that story after all this time? How will I react if the funding goal isn’t met?

All of this, and the campaign hasn’t even launched yet. This is what happens when you’re a naturally anxious person, prone to self-doubt and nagging fears.

But despite my worries, I take solace in the same thing I always have: all of you.

Over the many years of my career in webcomics you’ve all shown me immense love and generous blessings, and I don’t just mean financially. The love and support you’ve shared with me over these past two decades is something that transcends crowdfunding goals and post engagement and book sales. When I am assailed by anxiety and self-doubt I take comfort in the generosity of your spirits that has irrevocably changed me for the better. No amount of stress can take that from me, and I am forever grateful to you for that.

Whatever happens when the campaign launches next week and the month that it’s live, I know that I have the best readers in the world. You can’t put a price on that.